I wish I'd never have to grow up.
When I was 4 I can't wait to grow up
I can't wait to grow up so that I do not need my maid to fetch me to school.
Except for my parents, esp my mum because I always cherish their time with me since they spent most of their time working and I only get to see them at night or rather when I'm being tucked to bed.
No one's ever burned me and nothing have left me scarred but I wanted to.
I wanted to be mature, wearing mature clothings and was ready to face the world even thou I'm still living in Disney.
When I was 6 I can't wait to grow up
and enter primary school although I was mortified at the same time.
Oh, and my dreams of what I want to be when I grow up was ever-changing
When I was 7-8 I can't wait to grow up
So that I can go school alone and I don't need anyone. I'm a little miss independence by then.
I can't wait to become upper primary so I won't be look down by those seniors.
When I was 12 I can't wait to grow up
I can't wait to get out of primary and go to secondary.
I couldn't take the bullies from my friends.
I couldn't wait to officially be a teenager and have the life everyone says where teenager is you have the most fun in your life.
When I was 14 I can't wait to grow up
To become the upper secondary, to officially be with him so that my parents will know about him and how I was in love.
When I was 15/16 I can't wait to grow up
I wanted time to pass so fast because they say time will heal and will mend my broken heart.
It did but at the same time I wasted more than a year with sleepless nights and soaking my pillow with tears.
I can't wait to find my rightful Prince Charming.
I can't wait to move out someday to call my own shots.
At the same time my family and I drifted wildly apart.
I also couldn't wait to get over O levels to get the life I wanted. I can't wait to enter poly.
To be free from Maths and get out of the school, to venture out, meet new friends, start a new life.
Get a degree. Get a license to drive a car. Hold my 18th birthday with an awesome party. Go club. Go dance.
I wanted to get out of fake friends, the drama in secondary life.
I couldn't wait to be older to travel around the world and follow my heart and dreams.
Oh so in the end I didn't feel like I got the teenage life I wanted.
By the time I was 18 I can't wait to grow up
Nope, my heart was so confused and I didn't know what my dream exactly is now. Future is so blurred and I lost every little confidence of what I want to be.
I wanted to get out of poly to do something else cause events is not for me but idk what.
Everything is so competitive and it's so hard to find real people cause everyone is just a fake lil shit and u have to be too in order to survive.
It's not like those days in primary school where you will label people as hypocrites and just don't be friends with them cause no dear, EVERYONE is a hypocrite. You will be hypocrite to your boss, to your teachers to everyone. If u don't and blurt everything you feel about them, Goodluck. Maybe your friends could take you but not your bosses lmao.
I didn't exactly hold a really grand 18 birthday party either like what I would have imagine.
Instead it was just the group of same old usual life long comforting true friends.
I didn't exactly meet true true true friends like what I thought I would have imagine because though poly I do meet great and good girlfriends/people but they won't handle you if you have any shit. Cause no, they won't be those 4am come to your house and comfort you. But well if u have, you are one lucky lil dude and please cherish.
--
Now that time has passed
I'm 19 and hitting the big 2 soon
One part of me couldn't wait to hit 21 so I'm officially legal but I know I have bigger problems to handle and unlike others, I'm not ready for that at all cause no, I don't want to enter the big 2.
Probably, I can't wait to grow up to introduce B to my family but I have doubts.
Relationships isn't like fairy tales and pixie dust.
It's so much more complicated that I don't know how to deal this shit.
Doubts about me being ready in this relationship and for that I will talk about it another time or probably not because it's too personal that I have to write in a dairy.
I feel like I would do anything to get back to those times
I hope my parents drop me off to school or pick me up. We would exchange those smiles where
"IM SO GLAD TO BE HOME"
Now that I look back although dramas in teenage life and all, and where teenage life changed me a hell lot to where I am now, I also became the person I wasn't supposed to be, at least I learnt many things from there.
Ok probably I would rather go back to Primary or back I was 4/5, where I was innocent and nothing ever left me scarred.
Because,
Everything is so confusing and nothing's simple anymore.
Can't imagine when I officially graduate and prolly be a real working adult next time, I'm not ready at all.
I don't even mind going back to secondary where my worry was to get over Maths.
Now that I'm having internship, facing another chapter in my life,
All alone without my good friends around because everyone here are working adult like 30 plus.
(big generation gap, I don't know how to clique with them)
But that's life is it?
"It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my nightlight on
I wish I'd never grown up
Could still be little
It could still be simple"
I can't wait to grow up so that I do not need my maid to fetch me to school.
Except for my parents, esp my mum because I always cherish their time with me since they spent most of their time working and I only get to see them at night or rather when I'm being tucked to bed.
No one's ever burned me and nothing have left me scarred but I wanted to.
I wanted to be mature, wearing mature clothings and was ready to face the world even thou I'm still living in Disney.
When I was 6 I can't wait to grow up
and enter primary school although I was mortified at the same time.
Oh, and my dreams of what I want to be when I grow up was ever-changing
When I was 7-8 I can't wait to grow up
So that I can go school alone and I don't need anyone. I'm a little miss independence by then.
I can't wait to become upper primary so I won't be look down by those seniors.
When I was 12 I can't wait to grow up
I can't wait to get out of primary and go to secondary.
I couldn't take the bullies from my friends.
I couldn't wait to officially be a teenager and have the life everyone says where teenager is you have the most fun in your life.
When I was 14 I can't wait to grow up
To become the upper secondary, to officially be with him so that my parents will know about him and how I was in love.
When I was 15/16 I can't wait to grow up
I wanted time to pass so fast because they say time will heal and will mend my broken heart.
It did but at the same time I wasted more than a year with sleepless nights and soaking my pillow with tears.
I can't wait to find my rightful Prince Charming.
I can't wait to move out someday to call my own shots.
At the same time my family and I drifted wildly apart.
I also couldn't wait to get over O levels to get the life I wanted. I can't wait to enter poly.
To be free from Maths and get out of the school, to venture out, meet new friends, start a new life.
Get a degree. Get a license to drive a car. Hold my 18th birthday with an awesome party. Go club. Go dance.
I wanted to get out of fake friends, the drama in secondary life.
I couldn't wait to be older to travel around the world and follow my heart and dreams.
Oh so in the end I didn't feel like I got the teenage life I wanted.
By the time I was 18 I can't wait to grow up
Nope, my heart was so confused and I didn't know what my dream exactly is now. Future is so blurred and I lost every little confidence of what I want to be.
I wanted to get out of poly to do something else cause events is not for me but idk what.
Everything is so competitive and it's so hard to find real people cause everyone is just a fake lil shit and u have to be too in order to survive.
It's not like those days in primary school where you will label people as hypocrites and just don't be friends with them cause no dear, EVERYONE is a hypocrite. You will be hypocrite to your boss, to your teachers to everyone. If u don't and blurt everything you feel about them, Goodluck. Maybe your friends could take you but not your bosses lmao.
I didn't exactly hold a really grand 18 birthday party either like what I would have imagine.
Instead it was just the group of same old usual life long comforting true friends.
I didn't exactly meet true true true friends like what I thought I would have imagine because though poly I do meet great and good girlfriends/people but they won't handle you if you have any shit. Cause no, they won't be those 4am come to your house and comfort you. But well if u have, you are one lucky lil dude and please cherish.
--
Now that time has passed
I'm 19 and hitting the big 2 soon
One part of me couldn't wait to hit 21 so I'm officially legal but I know I have bigger problems to handle and unlike others, I'm not ready for that at all cause no, I don't want to enter the big 2.
Probably, I can't wait to grow up to introduce B to my family but I have doubts.
Relationships isn't like fairy tales and pixie dust.
It's so much more complicated that I don't know how to deal this shit.
Doubts about me being ready in this relationship and for that I will talk about it another time or probably not because it's too personal that I have to write in a dairy.
I feel like I would do anything to get back to those times
I hope my parents drop me off to school or pick me up. We would exchange those smiles where
"IM SO GLAD TO BE HOME"
Now that I look back although dramas in teenage life and all, and where teenage life changed me a hell lot to where I am now, I also became the person I wasn't supposed to be, at least I learnt many things from there.
Ok probably I would rather go back to Primary or back I was 4/5, where I was innocent and nothing ever left me scarred.
Because,
Everything is so confusing and nothing's simple anymore.
Can't imagine when I officially graduate and prolly be a real working adult next time, I'm not ready at all.
I don't even mind going back to secondary where my worry was to get over Maths.
Now that I'm having internship, facing another chapter in my life,
All alone without my good friends around because everyone here are working adult like 30 plus.
(big generation gap, I don't know how to clique with them)
But that's life is it?
"It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my nightlight on
I wish I'd never grown up
Could still be little
It could still be simple"
