Who am I back then and who am I now is a big difference whenever I think about it.
I miss how I was although I glad I have grown and understand some stuff better.
There are many bad habits that I had subconsciously let in. I really wish I could be the innocent and naive person back then.
And I was kind and stuff like how I would always give someone a three four five and so on chances even if they were to piss me off so badly and hurt me. As long as they have a place in my heart they will always deserve another chance.
But who I am today is not that person I once was. The moment the person piss me off makes me want to go right in front of them and just shout "fuck U bitch, even if you get out of my life now I don't fucking care" LOL but I swear I hate how I will think of that. Another thing is I'm so vulgar adding in all sorts of Hokkien words into my dictionary instead of the usual word "fcuk" which i had permit myself to use.
There are many much more things and I'm tired to list them all out at this hour (time check: 3am exactly lol)
I wonder if my temper and stuff which has gotten so bad is the reason why we are having such bad relationship. And I know things between us changed and even if one day the love for me has grown lesser, it's okay even if hurts me because I deserved it. I know things are tiring you even if you deny. Cause I gone through this and I think it's only a matter of time.
I hate myself. I hate how I have become. I hate how fucked up I am. I hate how I'm turning Fkin 20 next year because it's the time when the world gets even more complicated and I will have even mor r trouble identifying myself.
Siewhui you really need to get your shit together
