God, I hope you hear me

It's already the afternoon and I have been lying on the bed, for the past 2 hours.

I heard terrible news that I wish it was all just a dream.

I don't want to lose you my dear friend. I never saw it coming, never would have expected it. It's aching in my heart. My heart sank just the thought of waking up one day and I have to travel without someone greeting me by the door.

Many thoughts took over me yesterday, even thou you're not really mine but at least technically I've seen you almost every day and you are a really best friend and playmate, you're my this always-hungry-big-cutie. I cannot stop thinking the tricks I've taught you and replaying the video again and again.

And I start replaying those words why others could live up to 10-15 years but yet you have only 1.

And why is it so unfair that it's happening to us when you're our first.

My tears can't stop pouring and I hope you could hang in there. Because, we, will always be rooting for you. 

I love you, my dearest boy, I always do. xx

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Blessed 18th

Ok I took too long to post this post but I just finished my dreadly exams which marks the end of year 1.
--
I have never felt this blessed in my entire 18 years of my life.
It was by far the best birthday I had ever celebrated.
I don't even know what is a better to word to use other than me being so fortunate and bless or happy for everything that my loved ones have done.

I only wanted to have something different type of celebration with the clique instead of the whole usual surprising just a b'day cake out of nowhere but I have absolutely no idea what to do.
I mean it is 18 right. It's a big thing to me.
I wanted a BBQ but poly life is too packed this whole entire month plus my exams that falls on Monday. We don't even know where to book a pit. I leave it all to them.

Ok so here is 2 videos that my another family and bestest clique in the world that did it for me.
Note : I'm not trying to show off or flaunting or anything.. I just want to show my appreciation and gratitude.
I'm just acknowledging their huge efforts put in by them.

18 is the best age that I have always wanted and I just want to stay at this age forever. I don't want to grow up at all.19 isn't a nice number and I don't want to know that next year I would be 20.
I never want to hit the big 2. haha ok, I just don't want to grow up.

So my Clique celebrated for me an advanced birthday on Sunday. I found out about this whole celebration thing but I was lied that the Sunday will take place after my birthday that week, being a belated one. BUT I WAS WRONG. It was the week before my birthday.
I was clueless lol.
The whole of 2/3 weeks that my birthday falls on, I look like a zombie or a disaster which explains my huge freaking fugly tired eyebags. I hate it. I didn't even have time to exercise which explains me looking a little fatter so dont judge.. hahah k wtv, I'm genuinely happy in all the photos inside anw.

The flower girls.

My favorite brothers. Always the best jokers.

And now, KFC.

I honestly NEVER expect them to prepare for me anything except singing for me a birthday song or at most getting me a birthday cake. There were some things in my mind that reasons it why but most importantly is because I felt there wasn't any time. The weeks were so damn busy that we could hardly make time to breathe. Nevertheless, they still got me smth and Lining tricked me into asking what I want. 

She asked everyone what do we want for Valentine and she would get it for us. Budget is $50 for each of us. I thought she was kidding but we still entertain and ans seriously. 

I didnt know what I want at all lol. All that is my mind was, a love card for me. But she suddenly suggested what if she buy a tumbler for all of us. And I just say oh ya! nice idea! I WANT STITCH TUMBLER. Taiwan alot LOL.

And tada! They rlly got me a stitch tumbler but its customized with all our faces in it and 2 lovely cards.
I was really, touched.
Because I thought my bday surprise was over during break when the class surprise me with a cake and bday song. But KFC individually surprise me a second time with the gifts just I was about to left sch.

My 18th birthday in school was a good one.

This cutie girl with vivien gave me a Stitch Present which I already have. hahaha
(Reason why people should stop buying stitch stuff for me) But I still love it ^ ^

I look so unglam in all the photos. lol too tired.

Lastly, to this lovely boy who planned everything from scratch.

I couldn't be more grateful. 

Thank you for such an expensive present seriously. I never want you to spend that much but owell, expect a big present too when your day comes!!

You made sure everything was perfect and I will get a surprise altho abit fail because you just can't hide anything from me hahahah but still it was a good one.

Thank you for making the videos and all LOL.
I love you, my happiness.

And so, I CAN FINALLY LEGAL.
I wanna get a driving licence but the problem is I most likely fail lol and so much hesitation as I am an idiot when it comes to direction. I swear. Its very very very bad. I don't even know how to take the lrt/mrt until I'm sec 1. I only know how to read the whole freaking map thing when I'm sec 2/3.
But I seriously can't imagine myself driving.
Happy great 18th to me! 

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Draining my energy

So I dolled myself up for this Chinese New Year event.


I'm really busy because of the upcoming exams and trying to meet the projectS deadline. I SWEAR it's draining me out seriously.
Why the fuck did they put ALL the HEAVY projects due the week before exam. How in the WORLD would we be able to find time and rest well to study for the exams. I seriously cant take it.
Let the rest of the pic do the talking.

This is my 1/5 of my paternal cousin. He's really really cheeky and naughty but a cutiepie.

When you first met him every after a long period, he there being so shy, but in the noon or smth, omg he's a wild child. lol He bites but srsly, he's very cute hahaha

Day 2's outfit. The day I'm so suey. lol & I know I look (ugly [cant find any right word]) here.

Day 3

ciao.

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My "Average" Perspective

I hate the word "Average". Even the word sounds average.
Firstly, it's annoying, it doesn't get me anywhere. It leaves me the question of "so am I good or not?"
And because.. I'm really a negative person, I definitely stoop myself down and "round down" to in the "no good" part. Or maybe I'm just too much of a perfectionist.
Average is the stage of not bad, not good. Could be worse but it definitely could be better.
I have to keep beating my own high score and other people's as well. Be it in gym, grades I get. I compare too much.
Using the word average makes me feel that I could be better. I'm actually not good enough. Either you tell me I suck at it or just am really good at it. Even above average can sound so much better.

Terms of looks is so sensitive and getting the word "average" is just.. like.. ok nvm.
I get so sensitive when people compare me with the people that I will be so affected about. Yet, I still receive such feedbacks from them.

But then again, I need to stop this. I really do. Its killing me and hurting people I love.

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