I just want to enjoy life

Everyday (most of the days) I tell myself it's just a bad day and tomorrow might be better.
Because I go through so many bad days before that I always appreciate all the little time that I felt happy and will always capture the memories down or something but its like I spend more bad days than happy days while I see other people in my life being happy almost every day.
I question myself if there is something wrong with me (no, definitely something IS wrong with me), and hated myself so much, thinking if the world is ever fair.
I am starting to hate people, (excluding those people who made my life less miserable).
I can't work well with people and oh yay, my course NEED to work well with people cause its a group team in the working industry and never a single person working and everyone has to like you. -.-
wow man. Who would ever like such a unpredictable girl.

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i love saturdays

Impromptu BBQ with favourites!! Some of them couldnt make it anddddd ya.
ANYWAY IT WAS AWESOME. I love spending time with them. We were like a family, after eating, chilling and everything since bernard's house is big enough to chill.
i love you.

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"We're Happy Free Confused Lonely at the same time"

TGIF
It's only the first week of school in a whole new environment and everything.
Trust me, I feel like CRAP every single day I reached home.
Everyday i wake up from my bed with full of rants and more work piling waiting for me to understand.
I really wonder, what if I appealed, I did regret cause I guess my whole life the only interest I have and don't mind spending hours on it is just.. Draw draw and draw some shit stuff although my drawing might not be nice. I'm more on the NAFA kind of arts or some cute art that gets me no where, but too bad, no portfolio for me boohoo. And my art don't really get me anywhere.
I'm thinking what if I go visual communications and media design but all these is too late to think or regret and you guys call me just focus on the present but I LIKE DOING HISTORY LA K LOL. I LIKE THINK AND THINK THOSE PAST AND "WHAT IF" LOL. CAN U JUST PARDON ME AND LET ME WHINE ON MY BLOG.
EVERYDAY IM LIKE OMG FUCK THIS SHIT YO YO I CAN'T IMAGINE BEING A MANAGER WORKING DURING WEEKENDS AND HOLIDAYS WHILE EVERYONE IS ENJOYING .
and i feel really really reaaaaaaaaally sad whenever someone post on insta or anything about how their lessons on drawing in visual com or media and communications. Im dying so badly in getting there.

awkward hand. awkward face. awkward me. lol

i dont even have both lol

I get to design thou, guess what, DESIGN STAGE LOR. lol. Design stage for events and my project for the next 8 weeks is the worst theme i got. We were so unlucky we got HSBC women's champion. Like.. WTF? Why didnt i had better luck to get the other groups theme like sp graduation day or sg arts festival or f1 racing :(I envy people doing what they love now. This is not the life I want..........Everyday there's judging going on. I can't clique well with people. I just can't. Ok bear with me for this post. I need to burst out my inner soul lol. I just can't take the fact that everyday i reached home for the past week i have the bloody urge to cry, sometimes i let it out, sometimes i don't.I didn't fight for what I want or should I say I didn't dare, IM INDECISIVE, so i shouldnt cry for what I lost cause i deserve it and blame on me, I have no talent in anything that can lead me to survive in sg. hahaha. well done siewhui. anyway,

This is hilary. She comes from JB everyday. SIAO! LOL. But she's a lovely friend and is sucha pretty girl. Pardon again, i was really cui after all the lessons and chionging on project.

Vanessa, we were so bored so we took photos during lecture. SERIOUSLY DAMN BORED. I STARTED CAMWHORING LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS. Doing unglam faces yet lecturer didnt seem to notice or cant be bothered hahaha. He spent 1h telling me the overview of the module and his stories.... I still learnt stuff thou cause i listened to some key points?

Yongxin, she's so so so small and also a very lovely friend. Pardon my ugly face.

ya, i was this bored during lecture.

I miss my friends........ although i complained a lot with the life i had in sec sch, i still miss it. Ok shall i just say i miss primary school life then. I just miss having someone to clique to regardless of genders and i will burst out everything, now... i have to extra careful with everything i say.

Ok just give me time to adapt everything.

I miss my friends, yongyi, yixuan, bat etc, i miss my clique, i miss my lover although i still see him sometimes but i miss him because i know weeks later, we aren't gonna meet much. I miss everyone I clique with.

Everything is so hard to say now, I don't know and still hoping a better day everyday. Its so scary that my class seemed to be so darn competitive and me lagging so fucking behind. Fuck i hate why I'm such a slow learner. Sorry but its just impossible for me to outwin those people who naturally smart or wtv. Talent over hardworking. It's true and no one can convince me but i will still TRY to do my best although I'm at best at giving up. Sigh pie.

i hate how i keep everything from you, bottling up my sadness and i guess im super no good at faking it but i would continue practicing to keep my emotions. lol. Because of this you always get so annoyed by how I'm not telling. I'm so sorry if im so stubborn, I'm sorry for being so not good enough at times, and i just hope you would still stay but if one day it didnt, i'd understand. It's barely the forth month and so many problems... Unlike... Forget it. I'm so sorry I'm being such a fuck up. I always am

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Who to trust

So its nearing poly (actually the freshmen thing is tomorrow) and my holidays are officially going to be over. Although there are days whereby i wish poly could start so i have something to do everyday, but after well... hmmm.. i really dont want it to start. I really hope my life would every day be a holiday. Albeit its like Im living my life aimlessly but i like. LOL. I mean there's literally no stress, I meet who I want and do what I like, I stay awake no matter how late it is and dont have to worry if i have enough sleep the next day or if i have enough time to complete my task. I think the only trouble thing i have during the holiday is how to finish and decorate my friend's birthday cards nicely. I just afraid i have to deal with dramas and trust me, thats one of the last thing i want to deal in my life.
This shall be the longest shiokest holiday that Im going to miss. I doubt there will be another 6 months of holiday like this. Unless you retire but Im talking about teenage life Im having.

BUT... ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, at least i have someone i know in the same class as me which is kaiyeow. Conor chinsiang joseph all said im lucky cause he is a real entertainer. HAHAH. I shall not be such an awkward turtle or some anti social girl here because... Jiamin is in diff class as me.... IM NOT EVEN IN THE BUDDY CLASS WITH HER. fts. But our love will never die for each other lah. #gay

Im not really anti social one la -_- I only go crazy when im with someone whom im comfortable with or i feel you wouldnt judge me, obviously i would go all out for you. Its just... alright, I AM hard to mix with, in the starting. Cause my face is just so anti i guess. wth. PRETTY FACE ALWAYS WIN.
Its just no one will really understand, ever since the started of sec life it had been really hard to find close friends, friends who really won't judge. So im just afraid of poly because Im scared if I'm able to handle situations well if some thing cocked up. OH FML.
I SHOULDNT BE BLOGGING HOW WEAK I AM.

Ok so, every since i got back up to my feet, she's still the girl i was able to explain how i really feel and dont have to really put into words so that she will get how i'm feeling. I can bawl my eyes out infront of her.

Gonna miss her so much since we are diff poly -_-

BTW I COMPLETED PRETTY LITTLE LIARS SEASON 3 LIKE FINALLY. AND FTS, I HATE THIS FEELING, BECAUSE ITS LIKE I HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER 3 MONTHS TILL THE NEXT SEASON IS RELEASED, AND I CANT EVEN HANDLE THIS TENSION.
ITS LIKE... WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO WITH MY LIFE NOW!?I WANT THE GIRLS TO FASTER KNOW WHO A IS, BECAUSE THIS IS SO WEIRD, HOW CAN A MAKE THEM TRAP IN THE FIRE AND SAVE THEM AGAIN? You mean fake alison hasnt dead but it said it was dead in the books what?!! WHO SABO TOBY?!? OH AND LUCKY TOBY DIDNT DIE I TELL YOU. SO LUCKY. I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA CRY BECAUSE THIS HANDSOME DUDE DIED. I THOUGHT I ALMOST DIED.
OH AND IS MONA EVEN GOOD OR BAD OR NEUTRAL?!
 HAHAHA ENOUGH OF THIS FANDOM.
I think my bf and friends would think :
normal people : watch 1 episode a day
me: try to watch one season per day

Pardon B, he don't know how to be good with camera. He looks so gay in it. But i still love him la because he is just the guy that taylor swift sings in those HAPPY songs.
Gonna miss him too, because i would have lesser time to see him either.
shall blog when my poly life officially start. ciao

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